The shart Machine can sometimes be mean

explosive behavior is commonly seen

when the timer goes “ding”

and sharts aren’t your thing,

you best hide somewhere if you wanna stay clean

Classroom Shart Sauce

The school bell rang
at Westsmith Academy
the kids took their seats
except for one kid named Timothy

Timothy was scared
to sit in his desk
because on the way to school
he sharted in his pants

He did this everyday
since about 5 years back
sometimes he wiped his sharts
on his paper bag lunch sack

some days he cried
and others he laughed
something was wrong with Timothy
sharts were a daily act

over the years
he just learned to accept it
he’d stand in the back of class
while others would sit

they’s point and they’d laugh
but Timothy didnt care
he started to enjoy
the sharts in his underwear

the kids who were worst
were put on timothy’s list
they would soon get whats coming
a surprise filled with sharts and piss

One day Timothy arrived early
before the other kids
he planted shart brownies
under each of their desk lids

Thats where they keep their books
their pencils and their things
once they open it up
they will see their brownies and sing!

Singing for joy!
They eat their brownie snacks
they think its from their teacher
due to the notes that were attached

Timothy stands back
looking at the ruckus
shart chocolate all over their mouths
his prank was a success

the lesson to be learned here
is to not make fun of sharters
they can’t help what they do
but they can be sneaky fuckers

I awoke today, a cigarette I lit
I drank my coffee and took a shit
I wiped my ass and washed my hands
Then I went to walk my land

I went to the barn to see the cows
the chickens, the horses and even the sows
I went to feed them and when I bent down
I felt a warm feeling and that feeling was brown

Yes I had sharted and the animals smelt it
The cows started gagging and the chickens had melted
This wasn’t a light shart, gosh no it was messy
I lost three pigs and a goat, and my favorite cow Bessie

I felt so ashamed and I had to clean up
I went to the house and then I threw up

It was worse than I thought, when I took off my clothes
Shart Sauce leaked out and the fumes burnt my nose

I tried to clean up and hide all the stains
but there was no way again I was wearing those Haynes

I left the bathroom and went back outside
So I could see how many animals had died

I buried them all and as I departed
I knew I’d never forget the day that I sharted

FIN

by: r_cronier

There is a shart coaster

in a land far away

the kids wait in long lines

to go there and play.

The name is “Big Sharter”

it rests at Shart Land.

It’s got huge twists and turns.

It really is grand!

Big Sharter is known

for giving hardcore shart burns.

It makes most people wonder

why do they return?

Well, Once you get started,

and shart in your pants,

the ride seems to put riders

deep in a trance.

With sharts on their minds,

the ride takes them over.

Soon becoming addicted to sharts

and this Big bad shart coaster.

So next time you visit

make sure you understand

You may just go home

with a new found love for Shart Land

Diarrhea at the ball game.

the bathroom line is long.

so is my shame.

i shart in my tighties.

my mom calls my name.

she bought me a hotdog

damn. fuckin-A…

extra chili - double the beef…

my ass starts to smell like a fat girl’s queif.

what can i do?

i ate the damn thing.

i farted and sharted

and began to sing.

our national anthem

coupled with sharts.

oh what a grand day

at the ball park

poopy paul once had an itch,

he contributed to a cheap corner bitch,

prostitutes where his passion,

and 80’s clothes were his fashion.

He boinked a whore one Friday night,

thought it was over when she moaned in delight,

but little did Poopy Paul know,

Something down there was starting to grow.

First it was a blistery rash,

He covered it with Mrs. Dash,

That didnt work so he grabbed a cheese grater,

He used it as a new masturbator.

He grated the herps right off his dong,

and when he thought they were all gone,

he pulled up his trou and headed to the door,

He cashed his check to go buy a whore.

Diarrhea is like a bottle of ketchup
pop the cork, then clean the mess up
its nothing new
just the way of the times
diarrhea is messy like amateur crimes

Genital Herpes
what more can i say
you get what you get
when you go fuck some strange

you pick and you flick
and the scabs come right back
you sit on the toilet
and itch your nut sack

oh herpes oh herpes
why are you here?
simplex one through eight
all over your rear

what can you do?
what the fuck is next?
why not spread the love
and have some more sex

Poopy paul spent his days,
eating curds and mayonnaise,
until one day he got some gas,
and brown sauce leaked out his ass.

He’d scoot around the floor all day,
smearing this sharty, brown ass spray,
doing this filled him with glee,
Stopping only to go pee.

poo and pee and pee and poo,
is the substance that Paul would spew
out his ass with farts so strong,
some were short and some were long.

He wore diappers to catch the crop,
the assful droplets that would drop,
from his hole so stinky good,
he’d share these turds with the neighborhood.

This is the story of Poopy Paul,
he was short, and wasnt tall.
But he farted and sharted well,
This is why we have a tale to tell.

Sharty Cindy went to the gym
and started doing her stretches
she wore worn out sweatpants
the ass part was loaded with stitches

the stitches are the result
of shart burns ofcourse
every pair of pants she owns
seem to get worse and worse

a hole here… a hole there…
she blasts sharts with no care
so powerful and hot
so loud they will scare

while on the recumbant bike
she filled up her seat
no exercise without shartsauce
for her is complete

she moved to the next station
leaving a messy trail
shart sauce and shart pellets
constantly fell

when she was done
she grabbed a complimentary towel
she wiped off the shart grease
from deep in her bowels

she folded it back up
and placed it on the rack
along with the clean towels
and ruined the whole stack

she has no knowledge
of how disgusting she is
she just sharts as she pleases
and minds her own biz